if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
