Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
