Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i came on her dog
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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