I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
