Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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