You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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