What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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