eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
