Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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