Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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