I want to have your abortion
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
