Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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