DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
