so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
