I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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