Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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