Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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