Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
