And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
