if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
