When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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