In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
