I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
