I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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