i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
