need another drink. this is the easiest way
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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