I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
