great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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