Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
