Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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