Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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