is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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