I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
