Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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