U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
