i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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