DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
3pm strippers are depressing
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
