so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
