this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
