Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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