he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize