Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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