I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
