Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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