It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
