just tell him i said nine months
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
