So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
