since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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