My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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