he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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