So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize