I seem to have left my pride at pride
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
