I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
