why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
