people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize