Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
