I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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