Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
