On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
