I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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