I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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